what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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