Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
