Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize