yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
