Tell her she can't have a vagina
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
