My first STD was from a foam party
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I party with great urgency now.
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