High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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