Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
