i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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