I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It was a blind-side dick pic.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
