I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
