I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
zippers are such a cool invention
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
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When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
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Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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