OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i wish my penis had a tongue
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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