it was like his penis was on wheels.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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