Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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