Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
