apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Randomize
