well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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