Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Holy shit dude........stairs
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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