I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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