Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
