I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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