He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
