fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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