I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
