There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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