and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
