He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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