Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
