EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
