I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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