i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
