eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
