Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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