Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
