..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
someone threw a dead crab at me
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
