Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
