I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
