He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
