Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
