My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
