maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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