if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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