I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
