bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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