Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
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It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
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I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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