can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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