margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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