So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
