five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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