I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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