Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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