how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Operation Purity has been aborted
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
