I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
