i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
