I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
