if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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