I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Can you bring me the toilet please
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
