They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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