I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
