Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
