Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We're too hungover to prance.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize