five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
