He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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